King´s Kids

                Sometimes I feel like this is the best way that I could spend my days if only it could last for always. I´m willing to pay to do this forever.
                I see the children of the King as if they were mine to up bring and I would die happy doing that one very thing.
              Spending everything to give them my best even if it takes away a few years rest – I know that doing this I´ll have no regrets.

                

                 You see, all my dreams can be summed into one – that they can walk farther than I could ever run. I feel like they´re the reason I am what I´ve become. 

Bucket Wish

I never thought I´d write like this.
I never thought I´d fight like this.
I never thought I´d actually want to open up my eyes like this.

Have you ever had a dying wish?
What is at the end of your list?
What do you lie in bed regretting that you never did?

I don´t want to be that scared little kid, nor be an elder well hid.
I want to be someone who´s free
and soars through the air like the great kiskadee.
I want to be the person that hides away in my dreams.

Have you ever closed your eyes and been challenged by what you see?

A Mile in My Own Shoes

I want to be the me I needed –
The person for whom my younger self begged and pleaded.
Someone who was willing to see that my soul had a dying need even though I´d never dare speak  it.

When I was young I wanted to be seen, I wanted to be heard, and I wanted to bleed.
I didn´t want to hide my pain but every day I felt slain by the fear that kept me back.
No one ever seemed to be aware of how easily I fell off track or how my insides screamed for just a little bit of slack.

Now I´m on the other side, and I don´t want to be the one who fails to see when someone is about to derail in the same way that I once did.
Many times I can see what many think they´ve hid.
Someone has to tell them that it doesn´t matter what they did.
I so desperately want them to know that God´s love is not some trick.

Maybe it´s time to show the things that I for so long hid – maybe it´s time that I myself do what I wish someone else did.

Misfit Equality

                Has anyone ever tried to tell you who you are? Tell you what to believe and what to see in the stars? Everyone knows what I once was, but that doesn´t mean what they think it does.
                Looking into my past will never show you my present even though it may explain some things that my words haven´t.
                I never wanted to be “out and proud;” I never could fit in with that crowd. Now I´m not saying that we all should hide, but the thought doesn´t sit well with me to be proud of pride.

                For the longest time I hid who I was inside fearing that if I didn´t I would take a side that´s unappealing to you. Yet I´ve found myself in an intriguing position – a position that appeals to neither of the battling groups. I´m a person that understands what it´s like in both sets of shoes.
                I side with a nearly nonexistent group, and because of that I think that you can learn from me too because even though we don´t agree I still respect and love you.

My Vows in Retrospect

             I had always wanted to write my vows, but I had no idea what to say and little idea how; and when the time came to finally think and I finally thought that I was ready tragedy struck and one of those that inspired my life expired and breathed her last on this earth and with her death waned any chance that inspiring words could in my mind be arranged and I said the traditional “I do´s.”

               
               So, without further a due, this is what I would have liked to have said to you the day we said “I do.” On that day we promised to never leave no matter what we go through. On the day that God trusted me to be your ideal help. This is what I would have liked to have said:
                I am not perfect. Yet, even so, there are no words to describe  just how hard I will try to be everything that God has asked of me – please be patient because Proverbs 31 is not easy.
                I´m honestly scared out of my mind of failing and at the same time driving you crazy – my violence is an outburst of my perceived insufficiency. And I really wish you knew that it´s not you who did this but it´s something so well hidden that I myself don´t even get it.
                I would have liked to have warned you that my love is different – no matter how hard I try I´m just not much of a princess. But instead of staring at all that my love isn´t you´ve helped me to learn what it is. If nothing else, it´s definitely genuine. It´s not based in things that change or conditioned to things staying the same but committed to the promise I made.
                And try as I might I´m just not romantic and I never really understand your antics, but I absolutely love that that´s who you are. 

Shakespeare´s Mistake

                Have you ever wondered how it is that arranged marriages worked for thousands of years and no one ever killed themselves?
                I have a theory – a slightly controversial epiphany – that Shakespeare may have ruined us. Even so, I know it´s not entirely his fault but rather a misunderstanding that stemmed from the human heart. What was meant to be the tragedy of Romeo and Juliette people seek out as the reality of their romance. People see their feeling as something worthy of their death. If they can´t give what they feel a chance they are willing to take on eternal rest only to find that their eternity they´ve wrecked.

                

                Since when has romantic love been the goal of human life? Is falling madly in love the only thing for which we strive? Is that what decides if we live or die? And is whether or not we marry what our happiness is defined by? If that´s the case then the gospel I´ve read had died, and the Savior that we all love lived a very depressing life. So if I´m single and never have kids, will my life´s purpose go unfulfilled?

                
                      So do you think Shakespeare would take offense if I said that he started the sexual revolution?

Lost at Peace

                There are days that I fall under the misguided impression that what I do is normal; an impression that I hold dear to my heart no matter how much they try to convince me that it´s horrible.

               

                So, what´s it like to be a missionary? It´s deciding to just stop caring what everybody thinks. It´s suddenly realizing how much your own sin stinks. It´s almost like taking on the weight of the world because you can´t stand to watch the way they all sink.

                Like a sailor who answers sea´s calling we live life in joyous mourning that is confusing to the masses.
                We don´t seem to fit anywhere, neither in land nor in air, and only water will take us. The rain no longer bothers us because we love the water that made her, but boy are there rainy days.
                We trust in our anchor that we call “hope” as waves toss us to and fro and the whole world tells us that it´s time to abandon our old beat up boat. Even so, we always go and will not stop if she still floats. No one understands our commitment to our oath.
                Not only you, but sirens too with their song so dark and long draw our souls to all that´s wrong wanting us to abandon ship – not to mention that she won´t stop until she finally sinks it.
                And that´s when we realize that we were made for this – while all the rest lunge overboard our ears don´t even itch. All we do is look at the stars and wonder why they take us so far with nothing visible in sight. All we see is the Milky Way making path in darkest night.
                So, will we die at monstrous sea? Is it even land we seek? We don´t exactly blame you for not understanding just how much this journey means. Many find it hard to grasp that treasure is not what we are after when we have the only existing key.
                Only a sailor would understand why we love this watery beast. Just like old Tom´s unbelief you would have to touch our peace in order to really see.

               
                   So I guess what I want to describe to you is a little about what we see and a lot about what we feel – “woe is me if I do not preach” the good news to all of thee.
                This is not about adventure or what may feel exciting. This is my own mundane way that I discovered I was free – a discovery I got when I finally realized that my freedom had very little to do with me.