This is
your classic love story in all its cheesy glory about how I found someone who
was absolutely perfect for me, and I think anyone can relate to the feeling of
accidentally falling for one of their friends. It´s the best and worst
sensation to have that, in a way, can be compared to being torn in half. And
even though they probably won´t return the sentiment – and they usually don´t –
we find the suffering worth it just in order to be close.
That person that understands you by simply looking in your eyes and in silent communication you wink in reply. I never thought that anyone would ever think like me, yet this special person never judged me as a freak. I never felt more special than when we were together and we seemed like so much more than simple birds of a feather. Even if I felt like I was dying that person would show up and I suddenly felt like my insides were flying. When their soul cried, so did mine; and I needed their voice just in order to smile.
For the very first time someone had come into my life and finally made me feel like I was worth something. They took all my pain away as they sung the night into day and I slept safely in their arms – the one and only place where I felt like nothing could go wrong.
That person that understands you by simply looking in your eyes and in silent communication you wink in reply. I never thought that anyone would ever think like me, yet this special person never judged me as a freak. I never felt more special than when we were together and we seemed like so much more than simple birds of a feather. Even if I felt like I was dying that person would show up and I suddenly felt like my insides were flying. When their soul cried, so did mine; and I needed their voice just in order to smile.
For the very first time someone had come into my life and finally made me feel like I was worth something. They took all my pain away as they sung the night into day and I slept safely in their arms – the one and only place where I felt like nothing could go wrong.
So how do I explain to you that
even though this connection seemed to be sent from above that I was never meant
to fall in love? You see this story changes with just one simple word – the
person that made me feel on top of the world just so happened to be a girl.
She never seduced me and never used me; she was just my straight best friend who had no idea what she was doing, and to make it even worse she was actually godly. Even though I had never touched her body I had become addicted to the way she loved me.
So, now you got all your “holy” Christians that say, “all got to do is decide” and “it´ll get better if you just give it time;” but what they don´t realize is that they´re taking away your reason to be alive. Would you want to give up what I just described?
Then you got your L-G-B-T who say that I can´t possibly change. Old Bruce Jenner can become Cait, but for some odd reason I just can´t be straight. Would you actually let me choose if you don´t like what I have to say?
So this is my message to all of you who fight over me as if I weren´t in the room. One of you has to accept that this is the hardest decision that anyone has ever had to make and the other has to accept that I simply don´t want to live this way. You see, I know that I wasn´t born gay, but I also understand that for reasons outside of the grasps of my hands God didn´t stop me from feeling this way.
I´m not denying that what I felt was absolutely amazing, but there has to be more to life than just some uncontrollable craving, and what´s even more amazing about Christ is that I´ve come to love Him more than my own life. What I longed for was never sexual or dirty and it is such a lie that every single one of us is perverted. Even so, it was still unhealthy because, in the end, all my selflessness was actually pure selfishness. Like, “giving up everything and all for love,” but you ain´t giving up much if you´re getting what you really wanted.
She never seduced me and never used me; she was just my straight best friend who had no idea what she was doing, and to make it even worse she was actually godly. Even though I had never touched her body I had become addicted to the way she loved me.
So, now you got all your “holy” Christians that say, “all got to do is decide” and “it´ll get better if you just give it time;” but what they don´t realize is that they´re taking away your reason to be alive. Would you want to give up what I just described?
Then you got your L-G-B-T who say that I can´t possibly change. Old Bruce Jenner can become Cait, but for some odd reason I just can´t be straight. Would you actually let me choose if you don´t like what I have to say?
So this is my message to all of you who fight over me as if I weren´t in the room. One of you has to accept that this is the hardest decision that anyone has ever had to make and the other has to accept that I simply don´t want to live this way. You see, I know that I wasn´t born gay, but I also understand that for reasons outside of the grasps of my hands God didn´t stop me from feeling this way.
I´m not denying that what I felt was absolutely amazing, but there has to be more to life than just some uncontrollable craving, and what´s even more amazing about Christ is that I´ve come to love Him more than my own life. What I longed for was never sexual or dirty and it is such a lie that every single one of us is perverted. Even so, it was still unhealthy because, in the end, all my selflessness was actually pure selfishness. Like, “giving up everything and all for love,” but you ain´t giving up much if you´re getting what you really wanted.
Now, I´m no advocate, and I´m not trying to start a debate; but there are things on my heart that I just have to state.
To all of you were just like me, I´m not gonna lie to you: this is not easy. You know how it feels so I don´t have to explain it – wanting to hold on so tight so nobody can take ´em. The sensation that no one else will ever understand – us walking contradictions dying to hold hands.
So please consider this: if I gave it up it´s because I found something better and it has nothing to do with religious pressure. Because if God loves me just like this why shouldn´t I be willing to love Him just as He is?
So this is not about what I am or what I´m not but the fact that I love Christ more than what I want. That classic love story in all its cheesy glory about how I finally found the One who was actually perfect for me.
Petition: Hear the voices of those who have left the homosexual lifestyle
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