Poor Lifeguard

           How is it possible that I be this prideful? How did I convince myself that I actually gave up something? I´m surprised that I was able to be so stubborn.

I actually thought that I had rescued myself – a surviving overcomer who fully passed the test. Yet the only thing I was was a self-deceiving fool who failed to realize that by life she had been schooled. Drowning in a pool of my very own mess I was the one in need of a life vest.
                Survival float and treading water – “I can handle this,” but if I can´t I just try to become a “martyr” acting as if I was a victim of the horrible, people-eating system; but I was the idiot who jumped. No one threw me over board, even though, yes, somebody else was stupid enough to sail into a storm. 

                So, there I am nearly choking to my death and Someone walks over to offer me some help and when I get back all I talk about is how I walked upon the depths failing oh so horribly to see that Someone else was there.
                The thing is, when you´re drowning all you see is water and the lack of oxygen is the only thing you thought of. You not even capable of realizing that Someone actually saved you and when you finally come to you´ve lost sight of the Savior.