From Slavery to Silence

April 28, 2015

                This is the tale of a soul that wished it didn´t exist, yet in spite of itself it did.
                This is the story of a mind longing to be whole while living in scattered bits.
                This is the history of me wanton of identity and dying to be set free.

                Strange things seem to happen when we attempt to flee from who we were meant to be, and that´s exactly what I did.
                I didn´t want anyone to tell me who to be, especially not Him – the One who´d left me lonely.

                So I let sadness swallow me whole and suck my into her seemingly eternal hole, yet wondering every day as to how I´d lost control.
                A blackness oh so tempting, almost warm and friendly, had creeped into my soul.
                Little by little I found myself alone – a fish in a barrel evading silent stones.
                Little by little and one by one I became a shadow in the midst of everyone.
                That one dark cloud that everyone could see, yet at the same time no one saw me.

                I screamed at silent darkness until it screamed back, and by that time I thought that I´d absolutely cracked.
                Silence now nonexistent and wondering why I wished it as the noise began to kill me.

                Now as the deafening rage set and sifted, everything that had caused my blindness began to somehow, some way be lifted.
                And as the Light began to invade my mind so my surprise it was able to blind out my blackened noise.
                He became the silence that wouldn´t leave me alone – a silence that somehow sings beautiful tones.
                So I let Him take me whole, and I finally gave up control to something I never really had.
                My life became defined by so much more than mere “sad” or “glad” when I finally accepted the plans that God had.

                So now it´s over right? Wrong – sing a different song because this doesn´t feel anything like over. This does not even feel nearly done. In fact, it feels like my suffering has only just begun.
                But it´s what they told me; it´s what they sold me, and I bought it.
                Supposedly my soul was supposed to be relieved now that I finally believed in the One who´d supposedly come to set me free.

                You took me out of slavery, yet You sent me to the desert. I was dying as they beat me, and now we die just more “together.”
                Is this what freedom is supposed to feel like? I still feel like I´m dying it´s only a different fight.
                The difference with the Light is that you seem to fight alone. You look in every direction and have no one to hold.
                Then a voice from the sky, or maybe just my mind says, “When will you stop complaining? When will you be quiet enough to listen to what I´m saying?”

                I´d left slavery and all its noise to take on Silence and all its joys, yet now I find it quiet. It´s finally time to make my own riot, and take what He gave to me.
                It´s funny how things get tougher when God hears you crying to be set free.