Modern Idolotry

           I remember when I was young singing on my knees that popular worship song that says, “You´re all I want and all I need,” but I also remember thinking deep inside of me, “God, You´re not all I want even though I know You´re all I need.” I could not truly say that He was everything to me. There were a million things I put before Him and a ton of things I wanted more than Him. You see I wasn´t worshipping a deity but just simple Christianity.
             I worshipped rules, the cross, Christian tools, and Christian rock – everything was “Christian” in my well decorated pig pen and I felt like it made me somebody.
            I only felt like I belonged when everybody sang along to those same old burnt out worship songs that we never really committed to. God Almighty only knows if we ever even intended to.
            We said that “the heart of worship is when it´s all about You” as long as it can be about us too. And there was that “love as strong as death,” and that was all good as long as weren´t the one´s who´s dead. And He could be “that fire inside of me” just as long as that fire didn´t make us bleed.

                Now, people on the outside realize that we sound like we absolutely crazy – asking our God for fire and death because we only focus on what He resurrects, yet never really understanding what it means to be dead. Neither did we know what it felt like to have taken someone else´s life even though it was because of us that He had been crucified.
              It shocks me to see that we were so ignorant, and surprises me to know that even Margaret Cho understood how much we really didn´t get it. And Bill Maher realized that Christianity is dangerous, but the real joke is that not even we take ourselves serious.  Even when Denzel Washington was blind he could see that our God was of the radical kind not to be followed by those with weak state of mind.
             And there we were worshipping the One that we didn´t even understand and at the same time wondering as to why we could never find His hand, yet never really caring to seek any of His plans.

                Then I finally realized that there was not one person that the system actually worked for, and that´s when I decided that I didn’t care anymore. I just didn´t get why there was so much that each and every one of us had to give up or why we even wanted what supposedly would never be good enough.
               This “Christianese” was confusing me, but His Word says that He is not confusing so there had to be something that we were missing. There had to be something that we couldn´t see or there had to be something wrong with me to explain why nothing was happening the way it was supposed to be. Something had gone terribly wrong because I no longer wanted to sing the same worn out songs that meant absolutely nothing to me – it felt like Christianity was taking away my sanity.
            I talked the Christian talk and walked the Christian walk, but on the inside it didn´t feel like Christ was livin´ because no matter how hard I tried I just couldn´t stop sinnin´. Yet all they ever told me to do as behave, be good, and be Christian too. Supposedly that´s all that there ever was to it and no good reason why I couldn´t do it, but what they never told me was this: being like Him is so much more than just being “Christian.”

                So now that I´ve told you what I no longer look like allow me to share with you what´s happened in my life. I want to start by apologizing that if the Christ that I showed you was one that chose to never understand. Don´t take it out on Him that we placed judgement over your head.
              And to continue telling you what I´m not – I am not just some random “tool;” yo soy su hija por el poder de la cruz, and a daughter is not just a person you use. I realize I was paid for, but I know I wasn´t bought – I was adopted so please don´t make me start on how each and every one of us broke His only heart.

                So now when people ask me, “What is Christ to you?” I fumble over my words not wanting to say something that you´ve already heard. And even though I know it´s cliché Christ is my everything  because He took my other gods away.